moved over to Wordpress, won’t be updating this anymore. 

12monthsofwinter.wordpress.com 

Your breath on my neck.
The shape of your lips.
Skips on the record.
Hungover as shit.

I am a ghost.
(I am the wrong train and it’s slow)
And what the hell.
(I lost both house keys and it’s cold)
Hallucinating.
(Did I kiss your cheek goodnight?) 
I am a ghost.
(Floating, falling, out of sight)

I saw more of you this Summer and I’m thankful. Your wit made this town bearable. We were chain smoking at Kenny a week ago, chain smoking in your flat the night before. You were smiling the whole way through.

I need to see you again. I need to see your band play. You still have my skateboard and I still have your t-shirt. It’s waiting in my wardrobe.
I’ll wear it to the funeral.

I’ve been crying in my sleep. I’m sorry. A lifetime of tears, I have none left and I’ll forever have this headache.

Independence day. Too many missed calls. Your brother broke through the lock and you were found in the cloakroom - the only space in that flat to end it all.

You’re both more than brave. You tore the circle.

Fifty of your friends met in that bandstand for you. The sun shone through the storm. One hundred of your friends have your story to tell. You wrote on our hearts. We will make you proud. We owe you the world. I just hope you knew.

RIP JR. ‘89 - ‘12 

He’ll stay here if she doesn’t go with him
He sleeps on the sofa when she isn’t there
And it worries her
He needs her warmth
But it’s been a cold year
12 months of winter
She can’t stop or start
She can’t stay or leave
She doesn’t want to be anywhere

He’ll stay here if she doesn’t go with him
His friends have all changed, his friends are all dying
And it worries her
It’s a burden to breathe
With lungs of cement
From this town’s heavy air
She can’t stop or start
She can’t stay or leave
She doesn’t want to be anywhere

But please don’t stay
You both deserve better
You’re both getting worse
Get out together

He’ll stay here if she doesn’t go with him
He sleeps on the sofa when she isn’t there
She’s on these new pills for psychosis 
Her lipstick loveheart is still on my mirror

 

(Source: adamcave)

One of my closest friends took his own life earlier. I just wanted to say stick by your pals forever and love them as much as you possibly can. Rest in peace James Rule, I have no tears left. 

She walked past and kept her head down again. We’ve been at this for months. Well, I found the corner in my circle of friends. I’m empty of emotion. How many times do you want to kill me? I deserve it more than once. A sudden scream in an empty building. Empty fucking luck. 

Awkward, anxious, childish
You’re proud and I can’t stand straight
This is three weeks stoned
This is six weeks silent 
Won’t you throw me rope?
You hate that I hate asking 
Awkward, anxious, childish
You’re proud and I can’t stand straight
Now where the fuck did May go?
Now June is disappearing 
Won’t you help remember?
You hate that I hate asking 
Awkward, anxious, childish
You’re proud and I can’t stand straight 
I’ll be drunk when we meet up
I’ll be drunk tomorrow morning 
Won’t you throw me rope?
You hate that I hate asking 
Awkward, anxious, childish
You’re proud and I can’t stand straight
I know you make the sun rise
I know too soon you’ll notice
Won’t you just keep smiling?
You hate that I hate asking  

‘In this life,
Don’t depend on anybody but yourself’.

But what if you can’t find a job?

What if you’re too tired to talk?

What if you can’t trust yourself?

And why even try if you’ll end up alone? 

This place is making me paranoid.
They look at us like we’re nothing.
‘You lot! Don’t stand in the doorway!’ Why?
Nobody fucking comes here.

Saturday night and it’s raining again,
Inside and out of my head.
Saturday night and we have no money
So we whine and sigh with each breath.

My neighbour is sweeping
The trash from the street
In this dead-end town
Too drunk to think
His wife just passed, his OCD’s winning

My best friend is hopeless
Alone in his car
In this dead-end town
Too drunk to think
His girlfriend won’t call, she’s too busy dancing

My mother is weeping
On her doorstep
In this dead-end town
Too drunk to think
Her back is so sore, she can’t do the gardening

I’m drowning in blankets
In my dusty bedroom
In this dead-end town
Too drunk to think
And it hurts to know that I can’t change anything
It hurts to know that I can’t change anything
It hurts to know that I can’t change anything
It hurts to know that I can’t change anything